My "Literal" Definitions of 2019 Slang

Let me know if I missed any by writing in the comments 😊

Literally: Still being used to describe anything that isn’t literal.

Extra: A contradictory word that calls something or somebody over-the-top, while the use of the word in the first place ends up being extra.

Ignorant: Liberal word for anyone who has a different viewpoint from you.

Snowflake: Republican word for anyone who has a different viewpoint than you.

Spill the tea: An adorably old-fashioned way of telling someone to give you the news or the gossip.

Sus: A word for monks who are only allowed to speak five syllables a year and don’t want to say the full word “suspect”.

Get Educated: A phrase used by people who never finished school, used on PH.D graduates and professionals because they didn’t agree with them on something they read on the internet.

Arrogant: Another word for someone who doesn’t have the same viewpoint as your mom.

Lit: Something exciting or cool, but is definitely not intoxicated, which was the original meaning of the slang word for the past century. See also: A word that already existed but was turned into slang, which became slang that was turned into new slang. Slang slang.

Slang Slang: A word I just made up.

Racial slurs: Evil words used by people who are evidence against the theory of evolution.

Ghosting: When mean people refuse to respond to phone calls and text messages to their last date because they can’t handle confrontation.

Triggered: To explain to people that you can’t handle the realities of life.

All Mood/Big Mood: When people are trying to sound extra so they add additional words to the word “mood” without changing the meaning at all.

Fake News: When Trump supporters don’t like news programs calling out the president for his policies, and when news programs don’t actually report the truth. Also used any time you don’t enjoy what someone says. Like, “It looks like it’s raining outside.” “What? Fake news!”

Femi Nazi: Used to describe pretty much any woman with an opinion.

Feminism: A word that can only be used if you promise to use it incorrectly.

Woke: A word that was once powerful that has now been watered down to drivel.

Thanks Obama: A phrase dating back to when Obama was president and blamed for everything bad that happened to a person throughout their day. Some of us millennials like to use it just to remind ourselves we’re getting old.

Basic: Use this word to insult another person when you want everyone to know how much of a jerk you are without having to show them multiple examples of it.

Shook: Like triggered, but a happy or surprised version.

Girl Boss: When women try to show female empowerment by calling another woman a girl boss, and accidentally end up promoting gender inequality because people don’t say male boss, so why do we need to say girl boss?

Mansplaining: Often misused to describe any man who simply has an opinion about anything. The original definition was used to define a very real problem when men explain things to women that they already know, especially in the workplace. Now used with angry devil emojis to come after anything male.

Anti-vaxxers: Often surrounded by words of befuddlement of why these people still exist in 2019.

Slay: When you want to compliment someone for being strong, so you use a word that means to murder someone.

Keyboard Warriors: Possibly the best slang of the year, it’s used to describe people who fight with everyone on the internet and purposely incite them with controversial opinions, from the safety of their parent’s basement. Statistically proven to be incapable of engaging in confrontation in actual, real-life scenarios.

Keyboard Activists: A slang term I think I just made up to describe someone similar to a keyboard warrior, but is someone who supports every social cause under the sun online. They will come after people with cyber pitchforks, but can never make it to the town council meeting to promote actual change. I am a partial keyboard activist.

Me: Someone who tells it like it is and offends a lot of people.

I literally can’t believe you read this entire post. I’m sure you think I’m basic, but I think this list was pretty lit. Thanks Obama.

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Why Aren't People Polite Anymore?

There’s the old saying “you reap what you sow”. It’s not always true, but more often than not, it’s the answer to most of life’s problems. I’ve found this to be case when I hear someone complaining that young people just aren’t polite anymore.

Now, to a teenager I may be old, but in general, people would call me young, and I can’t tell you whether people were politer in the 50’s, or the 60’s, or even the 80’s. I wasn’t there, so I have to go off what other people tell me, which is…they were, apparently. It’s a challenge for me to imagine adolescences truly being any more respectful then, but we’ll roll with it.

Okay, so what changed?

The more I think about politeness in the context of today’s culture in America, the greater one particular word resonates with me: offense.

This isn’t a blog post about politics, but there does seem to be a correlation between offense and politeness; that is, as people become more mindful of an increasingly diverse culture and want to avoid offending people, traditionally viewed forms of politeness decline.

People do not want to risk offending others for the sake of being traditionally polite.

As an example, I used to call people “sir” and “ma’am”. I stopped, because the response I received was negative. I had some people say, “I’m not ma’am, ma’am is my mother.” They could be five years older than me, or forty. It didn’t matter, but they still took offense.

The other dilemma is trying to guess someone’s gender over the phone, which is always a risk. Especially if that person does not identify as the gender you’re addressing them by.

So no more “sir” and “ma’am”. What about men holding open doors?

There are still plenty of men who hold the door open for women and children, my spouse included, but that courtesy has declined as well. I’ve heard of well-intentioned men being told off by women, claiming “they could open their own door”. On the flip side, some women get angry when a man doesn’t offer to hold the door open for them. What else can one do except attempt to gentrify this traditional form of politeness, so people stop expecting it, and they can stop getting yelled at for it?

No holding open doors. What else?

Standing up when a woman enters the room, pushing her chair in for her, or paying for a woman’s meal on a date all receive the same treatment: madam guillotine.

I can’t tell you the number of people I’ve had conversations with who say they not only dislike getting telephone calls, but it makes them angry. If someone can convey the same information to you through a text message, why would they call, interrupt what you are doing, and take up valuable time? It’s the same with stopping by their house unannounced. This is one of those elements of politeness that doesn’t have to do with offense, and more with an increasingly technological world.

But back to offense. Do you remember thank you notes and Christmas cards? They were thoughtful gestures, but now you must consider those who would feel your cards were distasteful. They prefer e-cards, because they don’t waste paper and hurt the environment, and they never check the mail. Perhaps the joke you made was culturally insensitive to penguins. People don’t want to pour their time into sending out cards if they aren’t appreciated.

Do you remember when people used to have debates, rather than arguments? Individuals could have differentiating opinions about something without recessing to hurling insults or even fists. It was socially acceptable to see another person’s point of view, even if their viewpoint was unpopular. In fact, it was a sign of wisdom and good etiquette. But now seeing someone else’s viewpoint is synonymous with agreeing with them. As an example, if someone goes to jail for hitting another person and it’s in the news, you are not permitted to question their motives for hitting that person, or sympathize with them in any way. You could consider their actions despicable while still seeing their reasoning, but your understanding is no longer viewed as polite. Instead, your willingness to try to understand someone who is considered socially unacceptable is either sexist, racist, perverted, or all of the above. You must agree with the masses and verbally skewer this stranger.

There are other comparisons I could make, but I believe these are the most-widely known as standards of American etiquette.

So, to answer the question that seems to come to many minds of the Baby Boomer generation, people aren’t as polite anymore because they’re afraid to offend someone. And, in this day and age, the fear seems valid. Plus, when your gesture of respect could end up as someone’s scouring Reddit story, is being polite to one person still worth it? I think the answer to that question is different for everyone.

In the end, I believe politeness has a way of falling in and out of trend, and transforms over time. I’m sure society will come up with new and clever ways to convey the same meaning. It may just not include “yes sir”.

Of course, this is merely my opinion. I certainly hope I didn’t offend you 😊

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With Beaded Breath

In my previous blog post, I wrote about scarves and their predilection for choking me.

And since we’re on the topic of things you wear around your neck…

I have a black, beaded necklace that I like to wear. It’s professional but pretty, and the beads are large and wrap together in thick strands up to the clasp. It looked vaguely similar to the necklace in the picture above.

I really should say I HAD a black, beaded necklace that I liked to wear. Recently, that necklace died in a less-than-subtle fashion.

It exploded.

Maybe it didn’t spontaneously combust into flames, but it did burst into a shower of beads as I sat innocently at my work desk.

I didn’t play with it, I wasn’t chewing it or tugging at the threads – I didn’t even touch it. That thing just blew up.

Also, to paint a wonderful mental image for you, the beads went into every nook and crevice on my person. You’re welcome.

 After my initial, “What the heck just happened?” moment passed, I grabbed the broken strands and tried to undo the clasp to contain the continuous spillage, but of course, it wouldn’t budge. For the first time ever, I couldn’t get the necklace off, so I ran to the bathroom down the hall, a trail of black beads behind me.

I felt like Hansel and Gretel.

Into the bathroom I went, where I leaned over the counter and tried to aim for the trash can as the beads continued to pour down my back, my front, onto the countertop, onto the floor…basically, everywhere. There was nothing I could do to stop the dam.  

Naturally, once the beads had finished um, dispersing, I was suddenly able to undo the necklace clasp without any problems. A couple more beads fell down my shirt.

And that’s when I finally noticed there was someone in the middle stall.

Silence. Throughout the entire ordeal, they said nothing to me. Maybe the door was shut by accident? But no, I saw little shoes underneath. They were there, and instead of acknowledging the fiasco from the other side, they pretended not to exist.

Awkward.

Now, I still had a job to do. I needed to loosen my clothes to get the rest of the beads off my person. The problem was, there are only three stalls in my work bathroom, so whether I chose the left or right stall, it made no difference. When I went inside, I was right next to the mystery person. I tried to be quiet, but as I adjusted my clothes, a flood of beads fell onto the tiled floor, bouncing off their shoes and legs.

I froze. I gasped, and then I laughed.

Nothing.

I think I saw a slight wiggle of a shoe, but that was it.

“Sorry,” I whispered.

Maybe it was Casper? But it couldn’t be. Casper was a friendly ghost.

There were beads all over the floor now. I couldn’t clean them up because I didn’t have a broom. I would have to leave it like this for the custodial crew that night.

Not. A. Single. Word.

I nervous chuckled once more before slinking out of the bathroom and escaping to my desk. I never found out who mystery shoes was, but I’ll give them a 10/10 for awkwardness!

For the rest of the day as I moved about the office, a random trail of black beads fell out the bottom of my pant legs, like I was a vending machine with a leak. I pretended not to notice.

I found more beads later that night when I showered.  I’m still finding the beads at work, by the way, even though it’s been more than a month since the “incident”. There’s some in the carpet by my desk, and they’re nicely dispersed around the corners of the bathroom.

And although I’ve been paying a lot closer attention to people’s shoes at work lately, I’ve never found my victim.

Maybe they were a ghost.

*Image to respective owner

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What the Scarf?

There are a lot of things in my life I never thought I would say but have, like:

“Does anyone have a glow stick I can borrow?”

And

“How could someone completely dispose of a body without a trace? Theoretically speaking.”

And even

“No, China’s not a continent.”

But do you know what I’ve never said? “Man, I wish I had a scarf right now.”

Because other than being a fashion accessory, scarves are a useless creation.

I present to you instead: The turtleneck, the high collared jacket, the hoodie. Or nothing around your neck at all, because your neck was fine in the first place.

A scarf really is the equivalent of a turtle neck, except you just spent an extra ten to twenty dollars buying one more article of clothing. If you don’t feel like you’re slowly being strangled to death every time something’s wrapped around your throat, just stick to the turtle neck. Same difference. Plus, it’s easier to wash a shirt than it is a scarf. You don’t have to worry about putting each individual turtleneck you own into its own wash cycle to “preserve the integrity of the garment”. It’s a SCARF.

On the other hand, scarves are adorable and come in a variety of styles and colors. If your main purpose in wearing it is for fashion and not for warmth, then you’re doing it right.

I always worry I’m going to lose the small but awkward piece of clothing someplace, or it’s going to get stuck in a revolving door and I’m going to be the idiot they have to call the fire department for. I have no idea how that’s possible, but as I’ve said before, I’m clumsy. How about the escalators? The bus doors? Your own feet? So many opportunities to face plant or hang yourself.

Yet in my dresser I still have a drawer stuffed to the brim with scarves. All pretty, all colorful, and all begging to be worn. I keep them, so that one day when I decide I’m suddenly fashion forward, I’ll have a hundred thousand scarves to choose from.

And to anyone who has bought me a scarf as a gift before, I love it. Please don’t hate me. In fact, I used scarves for a while to cover up my thyroid scar. There are a lot of creative reasons I could come up with to wear my scarves.

But it sure won’t be because I’m cold.

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