Things that Make Me Oscar the Grouch

1.  When I'm reading a work memo or newsletter that has been sent to numerous individuals, and they've used the wrong version of "your". Likewise, when they have clearly forgotten to use a spell checker. Bonus points when it creates a sense of suspicion or ambiguity in the sentence, such as, "Stop by the break room at 1:00 pm today. We're going to be having "sushi" for lunch."

"Sushi." No thanks, I'd prefer eating food that doesn't require quotation marks. This is only slightly better than "meat" listed on a fast food menu. Tacos, 2 for $2 - beef, chicken, or "meat". Yum.

2.  When someone I know passes my way and says, "How are you?" and I reply, "I'm doing great, thanks! How are you today?" And then THEY DON'T SAY ANYTHING.
No, you don't understand, I asked you a QUESTION. Questions warrant answers. This isn't just me, you guys, this is simply how verbal communication is done.

3.  Buying a bunch of junk food for a party (or for myself) and all the self checkouts are closed for the night. Great, now I'm going to babble out a series of excuses to the cashier in the vain hope that they won't silently judge me for my nutritional choices. I then wonder afterward if they were silently judging me for my babbling. I can't win this one.

4.  Upstairs neighbors that like to bowl in their apartment at 2:00 in the morning. Enough said.

5.  When I'm at a social gathering and people won't take no for an answer when I say, "Oh, no thanks, I'm terrible at [insert any sport or artistic hobby here]." I don't say it out of a sense of humility, but out of regard for my own ego. I really, really don't want you to watch me get hit in the face with the volleyball three times in one match. I already determined to leave that kind of humiliation behind in High School (where it rightfully belongs!).

6. The "complisult." This is a combination of a compliment and an insult all rolled into one. It's genius in design, because the receiver has to accept it lest they be considered rude and abrupt, but if they accept it, they have to accept ALL of it, including the insult attached to it. For example: "You look great today, you should wear makeup to work every day." I DO WEAR MAKEUP TO WORK EVERY DAY.

7.  Cats at my apartment complex who ignore me.

8.  Dogs at my apartment complex that ignore me.

9. Kids at my apartment complex who Don't ignore me.

10.  Olives.