'Twas a Carriage Ride of Horrors

Gather round, friends and family dear, as I speak of a tale that may (not) be worth reading….

My hubby, who hath requested to be henceforth referred to in this monologue as “The Gallant Knight”, drove our carriage through the mountainside known as “Alpine Loop”, for an evening of scenic merriment and tasteful frivolity. Twas Wednesday Eve when we set out, but the horrors we encountered on the road were unlike anything we had expected.  

“Hark!” The Gallant Knight proclaimed, “Another carriage approaches.” My eyes widened against it came, galloping around the corner at a frightening speed. “Anon!” I screamed, assailed by the driver who, overtaking both sides of the path, nearly sent our carriage toppling over a scraggily cliff. “The Knave hath nearly colored my trousers,” I growled, a delicate hand upon my breast.

No sooner had determination fitted his brow before two more carriages came, brazenly towing the line, nearly dispatching the mirror of reflection on the side of our transport as they blew past. “What base creatures are these, tempting our deaths on the narrow road? Large carriage or naught, such daring is a folly,” my muttering mouth decreed, as I cursed the rogues under my breath.

The Knight of Gallantry remained absolute in his cause, braving our perilous journey until we reached civilization and, what I hoped would be good manners.

Despite the near spillage of our innards among the cobblestone, we gleaned happiness from the fine sights of colored leaves and fanciful animals, even producing high quality images from a contraption given the name of a “Camera”.  

 Anyways.

Have you ever had the burning desire to follow behind a serious bicyclist on a mountain road and play some theme music for them?

Apparently my husband The Andrew does. I think it’s a marvelous idea. As they climb a steep hill on the final stretch, their faces red from exertion, their breath pushing out of exhausted lungs in gasping puffs, the serene sound of the running river filling their ears, and all of a sudden…..

“IT’S THE EYE OF THE TIGER IT’S THE THRILL OF THE FIGHT, RISING UP TO THE CHALLENGE OF OUR RIVALS!”

And of course, if you don’t just happen to have this inspiring tune on your IPod, you can just sing it at the top of your lungs while your head lolls out the window.

“AND THE LAST KNOWN SURVIVOR STALKS HIS PREY IN THE NIGHT (that’s us, the car), AND HE’S WATCHING US ALL WITH THE EYE OF THE TIIIIIIIIGER.”

On second that, those lyrics are kind of creepy, considering. But you get the general idea.

Who wouldn’t want their own personal cheerleading team stalking them up the hill when they’re looking and feeling their absolute worst?

Exactly. A crazy person, that’s who.

So the next time you come across a bicyclist all on their own, be kind, have charity in your heart, and crank up the stereo system to full power.

(For the kill with the skill to suuuuurvive!)

Eye of the tiger.